The benchmark we feel required to achieve based on our social society standard to validate our own self worth. Yes, keeping up with the Jones's.
We live in a society that is built on selling us things in order to make us feel good. If we don't have these things then we are lacking in some way. If we don't look at particular way, dress that way, act a certain way then we feel we won't be somehow accepted and we're certainly not to be accepted by purely being ourselves. However this is why this is taking such a toll on our societies mental wellness. We're trying to be people who we are not and that is a difficult game to keep up with. We endlessly compare ourselves and what we have with others who have more, or purposely sit with those who have less in order to feel validated - you choose. But when did we become so lost that being our self, the one thing we were born to excel at, become taboo. We've become junkies for external validation and told that our own validation is just about not worth the paper its written on because its not the opinion of the masses. Its the great detachment from self and the biggest most self sabotaging act of our human history.
All because ultimately being an individual isn't as profitable as being mass market. We've been brainwashed in to thinking that for external reasons we might not be equal to others if we don't have certain things in our life. This then creates a feeling of lack particularly if we don't fit the mould. We're so influenced by who we think we have to be that we've forgotten or never paid attention to who we actually are. We believe we have to be something we're not, in order to be loved, accepted, perceived as successful, dependant on our beliefs of what success is which generally stem from childhood. But success is what you decide success is. We live in a society that operates under conditions and its too conditional to allow us to expand, grow and be an individual. Its presents change as a fearful prospect, one met with shame or humiliation if you dare to stick your neck out and be something you've always wanted to be. It can bring out other peoples insecurities and a 'get back in your box' reaction so I can feel comfortable being around you again.
However growth and becoming comfortable with ourselves is part of our life lessons. We struggle when we fight against it. Fight to remain the same rather than to take something and allow it to change us, humble us and become a better person. All because we don't yet identify as that person, we're not who everyone has told us to be but we don't trust ourselves enough to tell ourselves who we should be. So we stick rigidly to the fixed ideas on who we have to be, rather than going within and asking ourselves but who do we want to be?
Loss of self ultimately leads to a lack of fulfilment and ultimately feelings of loss of self worth and even depression but yet most of us never think to look within when we have these feelings. We've forgotten that building and nurturing our primary relationships are not just with our immediate family and friends. Our primary relationship is with ourselves, because its that relationship that sets the tone for all our other relationships. After years of chasing my own bucket list of material things I thought was required in order to feel happy. Once acquired, I realised they didn't make me happy because I needed a job I was married to, to pay for them and felt like my possessions owned me, not the other way around. I didn't need things to be happy, they masked a hole I had inside - my own feelings of lack in myself. I needed to become happy with who I was, accept that I had that feeling of lack and connect with myself to understand what actually makes me feel fulfilled. Once I did that, then I didn't need distractions to that subconscious feeling of lacking. I'd acknowledged it, understood where it came from and released it through energy healing.
If we don't acknowledge the sabotage of our own happiness, then we'll repeat the vicious cycle until we choose to break it. Its time a society to apply our care and attention to our main relationship with self, to become at peace and in acceptance of who we are brings those same feelings to all our other relationships. Our outer chaos in our lives is merely a reflection of our inner chaos - feeling of lack rather than love. Interestingly for many of us, the very relationships that our parents most likely had with themselves but we don't have to repeat the cycle. Our worthiness should not measured by the amount of external validation we can acquire but its should be measured by the condition of the relationship we have with ourselves. If that is a work in progress, that's fine, as self healing is not a straight line but just know there are ways to change our coping mechanisms to constructive ones that help us build a life where love and where fulfilment is more prevalent than lack if we can change our mindset and our energy in this fast paced, ever changing world we find ourselves and our children in today.
Our emotional wellness affects so much around us but no-one can save and nurture that better than we can